Beauty of Gray

I didn't think I was going to have much to blog about the I love how you always keep your cool as I didn't believe it.  Well I don't think anyone ALWAYS does everything but that's semantics...I guess I do relative to others or I hide the inner turmoil.  I also no that having a tantrum doesn't help and to be honest I can be overly flexible...the thing I hold is that nothing is black and white and there is room for many perceptions and personal truths.  And as the lyrics to one of my favorite song says.

This is not a black and white world

You can't afford to believe in your side.

This is not a black and white world

To be Alive

I say the colors must swirl

And I believe 

That maybe today

We will all get to appreciate

The beauty of gray

And here is the video

Live Like Its Heaven On Earth

I know I've been off the blog schedule...it was a tough lunar eclipse...have to admit I'm still reintegrating from a blissful and out of body shamanic retreat.  Then I kicked off a Reboot 6 week program that involves some diet cleansing...and it's funny because I didn't anticipate it to rock me as much as it has because I already incorporate a lot of it...but that has been working on clearing me out so I can be clear in life...I did this all while the lunar eclipse was playing emotional havoc in my life...

Yes I admit it couldn't play havoc unless I had some less the pristine emotions and self doubts...yet it felt a bit overwhelming.  The good thing when the overwhelm stops...is that you can fill up on your trust storage...trust in that challenging times are not forever.  I always liked the quote by Winston Churchill that said, "If you find yourself in hell, keep going."  And there is another quote shared to me from my friend Julia that we do not know the source of.  It says, "It's always alright in the end.  So if it's not alright, it's not the end."

The one constant during the challenging times has been the love fortunes.  They usually make me giggle or go awwwwww.  So one fortune said, I love you tell me how your feelings.  Maybe too much, but our feelings are our experiences so there the most honest thing I can share right.  Most of our thoughts are made up and really not true.  Another is I love how you make my heart feel.  That was definitely an awww moment....  We have, I love how much you believe in me.  It's been my experience believing in our friends is the biggest gifts our friends provide.  They believe in us when we are having a hard time believing in ourselves.  And if they don't, maybe you need to reconsider their value to your life.  Just saying...

And yes I giggled when I read I love how you make strange noises.  I giggled, then went oh shit, do I make turret like noises or is he just referring to the Woo Hoo's, Woots and, on special occasion, wheeeeeeee's that I shout throughout spin class.  I won't ask and just go with the latter.

Oh and there was an awwww, when I read I love watching you smile in class when you know no one is looking.    I remember that there is Hallmark card os something that says,

You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching, 

Love like you'll never be hurt,

Sing like there's nobody listening,

And live like it's heaven on earth.

So I'm ending with a paradoxical song here...as I do believe that heaven is here on earth, we just need to shift our gaze.  Bruno Mars may not agree with me, per his song he feels he's been locked out, but the song has such a damn good beat...I have more to catch up with but tomorrow is another day.

PS I had to go back and google that quote and like to give credit where it's due.  That quote is by William Purkey.  Who is William Purkey. Never mind, I don't need to know that.

 

If Not You, Then Who?

I'm still not back into the swing of things and the love fortunes over the weekend were perfect for my intention...so I'm going to not be so linear so more and go with the flow...and this mornings struck me because it was I Love How You Believe In Me.  It struck me because of a youtube video I saw on FB about women that described themselves to a sketch artist without him seeing them.  Then he would have a stranger that was in the room with them describe them and sketch them.  Guess what the stranger described them with more beauty than the individual.  I get this on a deeper level every day and wonder what I need to do to believe in myself more...I'm fair at it and I don't want to be egoic but if I don't who will...if you don't who will so here's the video and then to show that there is still some of the same old Lulu in there, a song.

I can't help it, I'm sure there are more modern Believe songs...I'm a Cher fan and yes I Believe in Life Before, During and After Love...after all I'm a love activist, right...well that's what I believe and I'm going to stick to it.

Time To Reboot

I'm getting ready to go into a weekend for shamanic retreat as well as kicking off t a reboot program as I'm doing a little belated Spring cleaning...although the weather was late in warming up so I'm not going to worry about it and it's shamanic time.  I will be tracking my love fortunes because it is one of my favorite daily practices.  I'll be back to blogging, most likely, on Sunday or Monday

So the last two fortunes are "I Love How You Are Always There For Me When I'm Grouchy" and "I Love How Your Laughter Fills The Studio".  So to me these are related but as we know I can do that with most things but laughter is the best way to get out of grouchy...and since I'm more in retreat mind than effusive spouting Lulu-isms.  I'm just going to share a nice little reminder I found on facebook that embraces both as I have it posted in my office (where I get to grouchy more often than other places)

And I guess it's all about how we reboot whether it be through a quote, a cleanse, laughter...

PS...

This blogging is like letting the cork out of the damn sometimes...so I had another thought about the I love how you say what you mean.  Not about me but it's funny how the universe does line up and sends other affirmations around the theme (making me realize I may have to look at this aspect of myself more closely.)  But on Facebook today, I just saw something from Paulo Coelho that said, Don't say NO if you want to say YES.  Don't say MAYBE if you want to say NO.  It was right over a picture with the quote "Diga "NO" sin culpa.  Diga "SI" sin miedo.  And if my spanish is right the translation wasn't exact, and in spanish what was said Say NO without blame/guild.  Say YES without fear.  And although not precisely the same it is all embodied in one of my favorite quotes from Dr. Seuss which is "Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind."  Similar to Mark Twains quote which is "It's mind over matter.  If you Don't Mind It Don't Matter."

I think I'm done for the day, but you never know....

Ixnay on the Unsolicited Advice

Not feeling bloggy (that may be a good thing) but usually that leads to longer blogs than usual so be forewarned.  I actually am behind and have two.  One is I love how you say Hello and Good Morning. It could be that I say it and if you read in the past I shared a story how I was in Wichita and someone said hello to me in the elevator.  I looked over my shoulder even though I was alone in there.  It can also go back to the one on how expressive I am and literally how I say it.  I guess I don't hear myself speak because I'm too busy speaking.  I had an opportunity to listen to an astrology session I had and let's just say, I've discovered that I am quite expressive and I can't say I'm a fan but it's hard to listen to ourselves, I think???? .  And it is a them since the other fortune what that I love how you speak your mind.  Oh if that were true they would probably put me in an asylum.  Tee hee...then again I know someone who used to be a psychotherapist at Bellevue.  He said the only thing different between him and the patients was that he had the keys.  I get that.  And also I sensor...your lucky you don't hear all the processing I do...it goes faster as time goes on...but let's just say I filter.

And although I can probably listen more and say less, I like to use a filter on speaking (especially when it comes to giving advice - and have I ever told you that unsolicited advice is a pet peeve...just because I share a challenge with someone, doesn't mean I want them to help me fix it...if I say what do you think tell me, otherwise, I think probing or even silence is a good response)  Anyway back to the filter.  There are four questions (with a few comments as well, of course) that I learned and I had to google to remember exactly.   This came from Sai Baba

1.  Is it kind?  It's interesting how people don't realize how harsh there opinions can sound.
2.  Is it necessary?  Oh barely anything anything can fit in this category.  It's the old need vs want.
3.  Is it true?  Except for a few bare facts...most things are our interpretation or perception so it may be true to us but to nobody else.
4.  Does it improve upon silence?  And many people are uncomfortable with silence...yet it can be a profound reply.  We all probably do way more talking than listening.  I know I'm guilty of that.  And what do we hear in the silence?  As many of us know our minds may not make noise to the outside world but sheesh, what it says to us and it's probably best it stays that way.

On that mind, I'll keep this relatively short. But I'll leave you with two songs on the mind...

Born This Way

So the love fortune I'm supposed to be blogging about is "I Love Your Sophisticated Sense of Smell".  I giggle because Danny and I have become scent swappers...although I'm more of an appreciator he is the scent master.  We come together on earthy, churchy smells...what do you expect from someone that practices shamanic ceremonies...think i'ts a pre-requisite.  And I can't think of a song about smells and I was just having one of those whoa is me, sorry for myself mornings...  So I was just going to skip blogging and do a two for one deal tomorrow.  But I never go without reading my love fortunes and todays is "I Love That You Were Born This Way".  The universe always speaks to us and provides...I talk about trust all the time...and it's nice when it happens fairly immediately.  I even wondered about admitting my dark mood but then again this is a part of life and I was born this way too not just the happy playful carefree, the pendulum doesn't stay in one place does it...it's just the speed of the swing (did I lose you...hope not)  

So I can find a song on trust but you all know which one I'm going to post.  This version is more like a mini-movie (7 min. plus) but check it out...I like the dialogue in the beginning)

Sparklers, The New Incense!!!

I have to say I do giggle in delight every time I pick a lover fortune...this one is "I Love Your Sudden Sparks of Inspiration".  I have to say my first thought is do you mean my spark of inspiration or rationalization.  As you can tell if you've been reading the blogs I can rationalize just about anything and find an optimistic spin.  Then again I guess I get inspired pretty quickly and if you read yesterdays I think our inspirations and passions is the fire that fuels all the love we have, not just the love for that specific passion or inspiration...because love is unconditional, if it's conditional that its idolization.  Hmmm, that just came out and I may be onto something.

But I have nothing else to say (are you shocked, I am) although as I'm about to say this I am getting inspired because this also feels very connected to yesterdays blog.  About warmth and a smile (and yes a tight ass because there is reciprocity in everything :) ).  A spark is just the beginning or warmth. I like the choice of the word spark because that really is what an inspiration is ....so it's like when you use flint to make a fire...sometimes it catches, sometimes it doesn't...sometimes will it lead to a bon fireor can lead to an inferno or be more gentle and nurturing like a candle flame or just be a spark for the moment and not manifest into anything more than a spark....

Now I'm thinking of sparklers on the Fourth of July and being a kid and the wonder and awe that the colors and sparks give off...we should all have that sense of awe with ideas/inspirations.  Have it and if it leads to more then maybe you have a fire and if it flitters out then at least you had fun exploring and admiring it.  Just when I'm about to say I can't think of anything else something else gets inspired and that's how sparks work right, they catch on.  Remember for it to turn into something it needs to be nurtured with kindling first, then some wood or even some air...you may want to think of the metaphorical connections to how you are nurturing your inspirations.

I remember giving out sparklers once for a new moon ceremony when the them was inspirations.  So I had used the container I used for my incense sticks to hold it.  I thought I had given them all away or put away when done.  So then another morning many, many weeks later I sit down to meditate and light incense...or so I thought...and instead the sparkler goes off...imagine both my shock and my delight.  It was perfect medicine for my day and more fun when it comes like that then orchestrated but you do what you need to do so  I recommend keeping them around for when your feeling a dry spell, it just may spark (pun intended) something.

I actually started todays blog thinking I was doing the first paragraph and post a youtube video...but that's exactly how inspiration works...one spark leads to another and to another and it may catch and turn into a book or may fizzle out with a tune.  And as I often do, I will just post a song because music is one of my greatest inspirations whether through lyrics, melody, rhythm...  And the one that comes to mind first and is pretty obvious but what a great way to fizzle out, huh?!?!

At the Bargain Price of a Smile You Can Provide Warmth To Those In Need and Receive A Tight Ass In Return

So I intentionally waited after the other days love fortune which was "I love how people are attracted to your warmth."  I went metaphorical at first, shocker I know.  So who isn't attracted to the warmth of a fire place or a camp fire, right.  But then there is the extreme of an inferno or a forest fire.  So we need to modify our inner fire and we can do that if we know where it comes from.  So I began debating whether it's my heart that is the source of the warmth referred to in the fortune or is it my passion/ inspirations which is probably located more in my belly/gut.   Or can it be both...maybe?  Or perhaps they work as a sacred couple...yes that is the ticket.

I saw the gut as the actual fire (like a camp fire) and then I thought the heart was more like a sterno (you know the things at buffet).  I had an image of a sterno under a bunsen burner, until I realized that sterno's have actual flames within them and then they are used to heat water that is the transmitter heat to a pan of food.  OK so our gut is the sterno and our hearts the pan of water that could work but lets go back to a camp fire.  You don't want to touch the flame. You may stand around it for comfort but your not going to put hug it or put your hand on it.  But campfires can be used for cooking.  You can put a pan on it and make some food.  The food is never as hot as the fire but it contains it and you experience it at kind of a homeopathic dose of warmth and the food is the heart which expresses yumminess and some moderated warmth too.

There is also a metaphor of the heart as a marshmallow.  Before it meets the campfire, it's a little hard and not as yummy or gooey.   However when you put it over a camp fire (of if your in Cosi's a sterno for an indoor s'more), it becomes even sweeter and more gooey and yummy.  You have to be careful not to use too much or too little passion/fire.  Otherwise it will get singed and become bitter or not gooey enough.  And then even better put your heart....oops I mean toasted marshmallow on a graham cracker (which could be the structures of life) and add a little chocolate (which could be an sweeter more optimistic approach to life or laughter) and then you have a blended life of yumminess.  I could write a novel on the metaphor of the s'more  but perhaps another time. OK I think you get where I'm going with the partnership of our passions and our hearts.  And how over active my mind was getting.

As much as I had plenty to say, I wasn't ready to blog on it...I didn't get that inner yes...it felt like a diamond in the rough.  So when I'm not sure what to do, I like to wait.  So I thought, let me see what the next days fortune will be and perhaps there is a connection that will smooth out the rough edges...and I'll get a two for one deal on my blogging efforts...who doesn't like a bargain.  Ha, right.

So yesterdays was "I love how you always make me smile."  Which of course, made me smile.  And it made me a little warmer inside too...  Eureka!!!  They were connected.  Let's face it when I'm having a hard day, I know a kind and smiling person in a brief interaction like ordering my trenta unsweetened green iced tea at Starbuck's, can thaw me a little.

And, since I like to ponder the love fortune to see how it evolves throughout my day before putting fingers to keypad, I went to the office.  I didn't think of it much more until I had a "you can't make this shit up moment"  I was walking down a hall way and walking towards me was an officer that I've know her for a many years although rarely see her and have only worked with her on only a few occasions.  We waved and smiled at each other until we met at the ladies room.  (Is that too much information?)   As we enter,  she says to me, "I always smile when I see you."  To which I giggled & yes I felt a little warmer inside.  My inner voice said, "did you cheat and read my love fortune today because you almost recited it verbatim."  Of course, I did share what a coincidence it was with a little more detail and explained the gift of love fortunes I had received.  And the story warmed her too.

So then I was thinking how smiles, whether you give them or receive them, are definitely a form of warmth. And as reminded by Danny in class last night, it also helps tighten your ass.  Hey so that's a two for one deal...another bargain...and, even better, we are also participating in sacred reciprocity you are giving warmth to another who may be chilled by the hardships of life and you are receiving a tight ass from the universe in return.  (Tee, hee...I do entertain myself sometimes)

Music and Laughter the Ultimate Panaceas

So true, I really do love music...and the love fortune is that I love how you love music...I have to say it is one of the things I spend a lot of my budget on...in spin class I sing along...if it's got a good groove I'm bopping my head...it's as if the music is controlling me...or better it's setting me free.  And the truth is I'm an idiot savant...a song will come on and I'll be able to say I love that song and maybe even sing along but I probably can't tell you the name and/or who is singing it...may be one but rarely both...and if the song isn't playing my recollection is way down the hill...and the funny thing I wake up with a song in my head every morning and when it gets to a certain repetition level or volume, I know it's time to get up.  Sometimes I'm convinced the song has meaning.  Although this morning I woke up with Abba's Chiquita, I knew it was Abba but had to go back to my itunes to listen in full and interestingly this song is reminding me of last night.   I met a friend that is in angst over his career after he had a disappointing dinner with his mentor.  And if I had thought of it maybe I would have played this song for him and saved a lot of other words.  I'm convinced my ipod is shuffle.  I don't necessarily use it like a Crazy 8 ball by asking a question and hitting shuffle... mostly I have it on shuffle and when I'm pondering a question or issue in my mind as I walk (as I go no where without my ipod in my ears (unless I'm with a friend, I'm not rude)) the perfect song comes up.

And I have some recent pop music however as you can tell by my Abba admission, my repertoire is far from cool, I have kirtans, gospel, show tunes, folk, tunes from my youth like, Bobby Sherman, Jackson 5 ...but tomorrows morning song may be Lou Reed, the Doors or Lenny Kravitz

I think music is like poetry that you can dance to.  It is a way of expression that I like to use when I am not feeling eloquent or able to move from an uncomfortable mental or emotional state.  Or I use it to help me move my emotions.  When I'm feeling stuck I like the song Surrender by Guara Vani or Use Me by the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir.  And interestingly when I am super angry and I need to real it in, you may think I'd want something peaceful but that would be false.  When I'm really angry...angry like I want to emmasculate or castrate someone...I don't go there often, yet it happens... and I know that I need to reel it in....a peaceful song would be like a friend saying breath to me during a rant or rage, to which I would then reply FUCK YOU!!!.   So I like to fight fire with fire which actually is how they put out forest fires.  When a forest fire is too big they set another one up in the vicinity.  They do this because fire needs oxygen to survive.   So the other intentional fire also needs oxygen and since they are close to each other they both sucks the air out of each others and both fires go out.  So foolish friends for saying breath to me, that would just feed my inner fire as my F.U. retort to breathing recommendation implied.  I like to use this over the top expression angry song to suck the air out of my fire...

Now I'm wondering if it's the mutual anger sucking the anger or because this sone is over the top and in truth it makes me laugh...and we know we need oxygen to laugh too (have you ever had someone laugh so hard they say they can't breath anymore)...perhaps the laughter takes the oxygen out of my rage and interestingly the rage goes away but the laughter stays were two fires kill each other off.  I knew laughter was a great panacea.  So yes music and laughter, both great panaceas... And who would have thought that someone saying that they love my love for music would lead to laughter is a great panacea...so I guess I also need to play the following...and I love the paradox of the two songs.  I know I've played this song before but I love the beginning part of this version too and this one has lyrics so please sing and laugh along.

P.S.  I'm not against using breath work to relax but there is a time and place for everything.

I Feeeeeel Nice......

I knew it would happen, I kind of have a repeat love fortune.  It is I love you make me feel and only a few days ago its way I love how happy you make me feel...ok so maybe this one was for an emotion other than happy but I'm virgonic enough to keep track of each love fortune and check handwritings.  It was from two different hands.  And that's ok, but no reason for me to repeat myself. so you can read the past blog called Happy A State of Mind of One of the Seven Dwarfs or I'm going straight to a song...and it makes me giggle to think that either of them might break out in this song in thinking about me....Ha...no not giggling, laughing my ass off...

Imagine

I Love To Share Fun Facts is todays love fortune.  Yay on sharing that is always fun.  Fun well fun is fun.  Facts is where I get stuck and, course you know I get into semantics, so go with me.  I just don't think there are that many facts.  And truth keeps changing.  After all they use the world was flat until Christopher Columbus pulled out the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria.  So we know the facts best as we know them.  And actually it's all perspective, because the religous zealot might quote their book of god as having facts, but most of those are a matter of interpretation.  And as I usually say that is my truth as I know it and it may not be anyone elses.   Truth often comes from our experiences and let's face it we have a diverse bunch of experiences and then we have to interpret these experiences through our personal filters...oy, that's how you have two different people at the same event with different interpretations.  So now that I got off that, soap box, what is fun to share is ideas...and theories and possibilities.  I remember being in high school sitting with my best friend and discussing what karma and reincarnation was.  We hadn't read any buddhist texts and it was fun and considering what I know now, we weren't so far off.  And I also like to think about things that stretch my imagincation like alternate realities, etc...  So I love to share my imagination and I bet you know what sone that leads me to...

Happy...A State of Being or One of the 7 Dwarfs

My reaction to the I Love How Happy You Make Me Feel was, "What a sweet sentiment" and then into my spiritual thoughts of how happiness is a state of being that people really aren't dependent on its more a source we tap into.  That being said some people or experiences are yummier than others which help us feel light and cheery.  The rest of my morning was spent doing work that was more on the lead side.  I worked until my 1 PM spin class in which I was like an animal let out of her cage.  But that's not my point, it is definitely something that gives me an endorphine high which makes me happy for sure or feeds my happiness state of being.  But the perfect synchronicity moment was that the pre-class song playing as we entered was.

Although was thinking of how I let my work get to me and then I thought of Happy, one of the 7 Dwarfs, and perhaps if I took this approach when work gets me down, I'd be Happy-er.

Create Music...

So the love fortune to be blogged about today is "I Love What You Mean To Others".  And the false humility in me says Do I????  I mean I do to some but do I really.  Recently because of some interactions I have a snippet into the influence I have had based on peoples responsivity (I don't think that's a word and think it would be responsiveness but I like how responsivity is a bit of a tongue twister, anyway, I digress...) and they have outright said some things that help reinforce that I'm modeling my core values in a way that's appreciated.  I know we shouldn't need this, but it's pretty nice to have it.

Made me think if any of us say what people mean to us.  Not to get too deep but until my father was diagnosed with cancer, I can count on the fingers on one hand the number of times he actually said the words I Love You.  And most of those were based on an achievement.  This is not meant to be a dad-bashing by any means.   He behaved based on his life circumstances.  And then when he was diagnosed with cancer he would end every interaction with I love you.  We shouldn't wait.  So let people know how you love them.  You can say I love you or now a days send them a text that lets them know that your thinking about them...and do it just because...not that you want a response in return.  And your nice words can be like music to their ears and as Michael Frante sings, Everyone Deserves Music!!!

Wheeeeee!!!!!

Just to prove you never now how things are going to go...so yesterdays love fortune was I Love To ShowYou Off.  My first reaction, was giggling with delight and then boy he was stretching for that one.  I then went to what the hell do I blog about that.  My humility and rare to pop out these days, shy gene, went rampant.

And yesterday when conversing with someone at work we discussed my favorite bumper sticker, your unique just like everyone else.  I love it because I think everyone has to recognize they have something special and no bodies any better we're just all different.  But in yesterdays conversation, he was coming more from a perspective (and talking about a vendor trying to float our boat) of no we're just not that special/unique.  So if not special we go back to why the hell show me off.  Of course I'm taking the work associates perspective and ignoring the real reason I love that quote but go with me.

And now we flash forward to 6:45 this morning.  I'm thinking so maybe I'll just skip the blog today and slide this fortune in with the next love fortune as I've done at a few other times.  But as part of my morning ritual I had music on shuffle as I was getting ready.  And the song Just the Way You Are popped up.  So maybe You;re Amazing Just Like Everyone Else and amazing deserves to be shown off.  And I have to admit I like to share when my friends are shining their best attributes too.

So I shared the Glee version of this song because I will admit it was the version that was playing on my iPod (yes I have the traditional Bruno Mars version too).  Because I think this is a celebratory version and I think we should all experience Glee, the emotion not the show, and Glee when you stretch it out sounds like Wheeeeeeeeeee, which is my favorite thing to scream out to express complete and utter delight.  Inspired by the Geico Pig of course, come on, wheeeeeeee along, won't ya!!!

Don't Underestimate the Power of Silly

I giggled with delight when I read the I love how silly we can be together love fortune.  The real gems in my life are the ones that can do silly.  To truly be silly you have a good sense of yourself and be risky enough for people to think your a fool.  There is such wisdom in this and I'm going to share a very profound quote that I discovered in a book The Witch and Clown.  I can't find it right now to credit the authors name.  I had this book on my bookshelf for a while and I decided to bring it with me on my plane ride to Costa Rica several years when I was going on a clowning trip (yes you read right) with Patch Adams (and yes you read right again).  This really taught me the power of silly.  I went on a whim, knowing there was very little I couldn't do for a week.  They didn't give me much info to prep with, so I went to party city and picked a wig (hot pink pony tails), a honking nose, wings and a boa.  Yes that was what my version of clown would be. I figured people that wanted to clown in children's hospitals had to be a pretty good group to hand around with.  The intention was to use clowning as caring.  We clowned in children's hospitals, mental institutions and, even an Independence Day Parade.  Each was profound in it it's own way.

The most profound for me was in the mental institution.  It was not planned and at last minute one of the local Costa Rican crowds told Patch about this opportunity and he was excited.  I was not.  I remember a quote that someone who used to work as a psychologist in Bellevue told me.  The only difference between the doctors and the patients was that the doctors had the keys.  So the way this worked is that there was a group of about 30 of us.  We would go from this house like buildings, each had a different demographic.  Without knowing which had which they would go and say ok four clowns hear.  They would unlock the door, let us in and then lock the door.  I remember that locking sound being thunderous and I thought, "Oh shit, if I need to bolt I can't"  There was other staff inside so we were safe but I was wary.  Fortunately I had a demographic that was perfect for me, ladies from 16 and above.  And since clowns freak some people out, again I was cautious.  They loves us.  We danced, we sang, we hooted and hollered.  And then I say this older woman sitting to the side and her face was wet with tears.  I cautiously went over to her.  I just quietly sat down on the couch and faced her.  We stared in each others eyes.  I practically got lost in the depth of her loving soul.  Part of my costume was a feather boa.  So I took the boa and carressed her arm.  We continued to gaze and I said to her in what little spanish I know, You have a big heart.  She shook her head slowly in confirmation and then she picked up my boa and caressed my face with it.  Let's just say, that boa became very sacred to me.  I guess we shouldn't forget the power of the boa.  Another of the patients then came over to me screaming angel, angel...(because I was also wearing wings), I said no I'm a butterfly and flitted off.  The moment was over but one that had stayed deep in my heart forever.  Had I not been willing to go to silly, this would have been a missed opportunity.

Yes some people get freaked out by clowns but the silliness lets lots of people put down their guards and they let you in.  I haven't done another clowning trip although you never know, yet I have taken that wisdom and incorporated into my essence.  Let's just say it works.

I used to be afraid that people would not respect me if I shared wisdom through silly.  I needed to be serious, but fuck that.  If people can't see the wisdom behind the silly, then who is the fool.  Oh I diverted here is the quote.

The clown collapses the distinctions of the I and not I, of the subject and object...Watching him, we begin to wonder who is the reflection of whom?  Breaking down the ego-boundaries, the clown lets in the stream of psychic life that dissolves the discrete I in this seeing eye, his own and ours, moving through the mirror to the flux of being and becoming, touching the Zen idea that seeing into nothingness is true seeing.  What we thought was fixed reality is but the play of the phenomenal world, the illusion of personal consciousness, the ephemeral nature of history.  Thus the clown leads us beyond discursive reason, symbolizing the values of the supraatios--of the pure heart, the true enlightenment.  Ushering us into the space beyond space, we come to entertain different views of what is illusory and what is real.  We join the juggling act, to juggle and be juggled.  Thus Jesus's silence before Pilate and before the soldiers who mocked him as a fool.  Jesus as clown takes us through the mirror to its other side, where what was thought to be foolish is shown to be wise."

Since I've been sharing music videos, I could have left you with the obvious Send in the Clowns and the true power in silly is knowing how much.  It's quality not quantity.

Keep it Light...Enjoy Yourself Today (heck do it everyday)

So I got back-blogged again...I'm not sure if it's because I got feedback that someone was proud that I was actually keeping up with the blogging, so my unconscious did some self sabotage.  Excuse my self judgement spouting but it's a possibility.  The other one is that I didn't have so much to say on a topic and sometimes silence is an acceptable response.  I think silence is a more effective tool for us then any of us use.

So I have 3 love fortunes, to catch up on here as I want to list them all.  If my beloveds took the time to come up with 365 of these...the least I can do is acknowledge each of them.  So there was "I love the energy you bring"...as a person who is all about energy as the common denominator to the our physical, emotion, mental and spiritual health, this is a nice affirmation; however, the intention is the energy I bring to interactions.  And I have to admit inside sometimes I'm not feeling very inspired and I have the woe is me moments.  However, I can remember how it feels to be inspired and hopeful, so I can fake it until I make it.  And I do that, not to be ingenuous or pretend to be something I'm not...I do it because eventually it is how I feel (it's a bit infectious, if I do say so myself).  I also don't believe that misery loves company.  Well maybe it does love company, but I don't think that jumping on the misery bandwagon is helpful.  The more that jump onto that boat is like adding lead and then we sink and we never transform.  So instead, if I bring a sense of play and optimism, I lighten up and then can come up with some creative solutioning to the challenges of the day or the week or the....(you get the picture).   As you know I like to equate things with songs, my first instict was to choose Cyndi Lauper's Girl's Just Want to Have Fun but I have another one for you.

Next love fortune is...drum roll please....I love how others are smiling around you.  So I don't know if I've noticed this, so I'll just trust them on this.   The question to ponder is are they smiling because I am there (which my ego would like to believe) or is that I gravitate to smiling people (which would also be true).  Not that I'm not willing to be there for a frowning friend in need (I'm pretty devoted to my friends as I don't believe in being a fair weather only friend either); however, to stay positive, I need to feed that and hence I may gravitate to the smilers...so perhaps it's a little of both...after all life is an AND not an OR.

And yesterdays love fortune that got me to saying, get your ass in gear Lulu, is I Love How Your Understanding.  And you know the humor in this is I don't have a fucking clue.  So what appears to be understanding from a non-judemental place is that I don't understand people and there motives.  I also know that not everyone has the same integrity rule book I do (not that mine is the highest on the pious list) and I also don't know every little life experience that they have had that would influence who they are, so how can I not be receptive and just take action from what they present than label people as bad and wrong and stay pissed at them for going against my rule book.   I can't judge until I've walked in someone elses shoes and I barely fit in my own  Life happens and it's what we do with it, not what we judge others as...plus you know I prefer to enjoy myself so if I'm not open to the fact that someone may act differently that I would like, I'm going to add more lead and sink like the titanic.