Snap Goes The Rubber Band of Resistance

Hurray!  The rubber band of resistance and procrastination does not stretch to infinity and beyond.  There is a limit and mine has finally gone snap.  I finally inaugurated my Couch to 5K IPhone application.  Yes, the one that I have had for at least 4 months and had collected the proverbial cobwebs.  

I am not announcing this publicly because I am proud.  In truth it is because I hope the shame of not sticking to this after having announced it will help me keep my commitment.  I used to love running and exercise.  I even thought I wanted to be a personal trainer at one time.  I know the benefits yet getting back on the bandwagon has been tough.  I surely wish my love of self was stronger than my fear of shame.   But I have to pat myself on the back for knowing myself. Right?  After all, fear of shame has a good track record with me.  It got me to quit smoking 2 plus years ago when I partnered on the endeavor with my dear friend.  Well maybe it was pride of not letting friends see me fail.  Yes, pride and shame, opposite ends of the same coin huh?  And, in truth, you may not care if my lethargy was leading me to be a candidate for the next season of Biggest Loser, but I’ll pretend you do and I’m going to use pride aka the fear of shame game, to be kinder to my health. Juicy rationalization or not.

I do feel that I have to give some credit for this big snap to Ann Randolph who lead a phenomenal workshop at Kripalu called Sharing Your Life Story.  It was a 5 day writing and improv workshop.  I know at Kripalu, you may be thinking it was a bit woo-woo.  Don’t get me wrong, I do like to dip into the woo woo pool.  I’m an ex-junky of  woo-woo workshops.  And some may call my Lulu Loving Life healing and ceremonial practice a bit woo-woo too.  But if you’ve been around me, you’ll realize I prefer  things a bit tart and spicy.  If it’s too sweet and syrupy, I go into diabetic shock.  What I found refreshing, and the beauty of this retreat, was that participants could be as cathartic as they wished as long as they were willing to take responsibility for coping with the potential angst.  And we focused on the prize of creation.

Ann provided creative and inspirational exercises and prompts for both, our improvisational and writing exercises.  Silly me I thought I was just going to be focused on writing for the sake of writing.  The transformational impact took this ex-workshop junky by surprise.  Based on my extensive and diverse workshop experience as well as my personal diligence and dedication to my personal transformation, I feel entitled to say that I’m a person who has processed a lot of her shit and garbage.  Don’t let my expletives demean the intent of the words, nor connote a bad thing.  After all what do you think fertilizer aka manure or compost is composed of?  And what does fertilizer create? Yes, the answer is a beautiful garden.  

Sure I know the onion has many layers and was was still delighted at the additional insights I received about my life experiences.  I constantly preach that our wounds are also our medicine and it has became crystal clear that there is such power in expressing ourselves in story, whether it be written or performed.  After all we can only tell our stories if we have survived our stories.   And, in becoming the story teller of our hardships and life circumstances, we release the hand cuffs of victimization and transmute surviving to thriving.

I left this workshop feeling inspired, confident & courageous.   And I’m savoring the lingering taste of creativity and possibilities. I left reminded of why I started to blog.  After using it as a way to keep friends abreast of my life when I was living in India, I thought I would continue sharing my love for life, it’s humor and the metaphors that help me grow and trust.  Instead it has turned into a place for me to keep an anthology of the New Moon New Life Ceremonies that I hold every month.  Don’t get me wrong, I do love  the ceremonies which are filled with playful metaphor; however, I love so much more than that and life is inherently filled with metaphors that can be transformative catalysts a.k.a. insights or personal aha’s, or, at the least, a giggle.  I enjoy finding the metaphors amongst the silliness and craziness life provide and using the shit to create a blossom.  So why not share it.  And to play the fear of shame game one more time (after all practice makes perfect), I commit to blogging at least once a month other than the New Moon New Life recaps.  I’m the first to admit that it’s a fine line between wisdom and a good juicy rationalization so I’m going to let you take responsibility for what my sharing evokes and continue to keep loving life and blogging about it...